This fabulous article by ‘green writer’ Gavin Hudson was shared originally on the site greenoptions.com. I loved it so much, I asked Gavin for permission to include it here – enjoy ;)
As a species, we must look pretty silly in a number of ways. Here are fifteen weird things we do from a squirrel’s point of view, along with some daily ways that we can be a little more like the other animals.
15. We spend as much effort packaging our food as finding and eating it. So much of our food these days comes pre-packaged that we don?t think twice about it. In order to package food in plastic, we spend billions of dollars and lots of time locating and drilling oil around the world; we then extract a chemical feedstock from the oil; we refine the chemical feedstock into plastic and mould the plastic into packaging; we take the shells off of things like peanuts and then put the peanuts in plastic packaging.
Squirrel says: “How backward! I spend all day getting rid of my food?s natural packaging: the shells. Plus, the shells biodegrade before next year?s nuts ripen. Be more like the rest of the animals by eating food in its original packaging.”
14. We drink the lactation of other animals. We farm animals of other species’ like cows, goats, and sheep to harvest and drink their lactation. We even sometimes ferment this lactation (cheese and yogurt, for example) and occasionally go as far as to let mold grow on it before eating it (blue cheese, for example).
Squirrel says: “EW! Be more like the rest of the rest of the animals by drinking water and eating juice-filled fruits and veggies.”
13. We’ll eat just about anything. Don’t believe me? Look here. Most animals have a pretty good idea of what foods they like and so they stick to eating one type of food. Sharks eat fish, cows and horses eat grass, most birds eat insects, fruit, or grain, and so on. We humans will eat fruit, grain, insects, birds, vegetation, horses, cows, fish, sharks, and more. Some people even eat cars! Our stomachs must truly be one of a kind on this planet. I can just see Mother Nature’s horrified expression, ‘what do you have in your mouth, child?!?’
Squirrel says: “That’s nuts! Or rather it would be nuts if I were eating it. Pick a diet, you crazy species. You can be more like your ancestors and relatives by eating more vegetables, nuts, and fruit and fewer weird things like octopus, oysters, and buffaloes.”
12. We travel without actually moving. Camels walk to find water, birds fly to find grub, and fish swim to get their food too. We say “I’m going to run to the store to get food,” but what we actually mean is “I’m going to sit down in my car and hardly move a muscle while decomposed dino-gas pushes me to the store.” Weird, huh?
Squirrel says: “Wouldn’t you get out of shape this way? Plus, who would want to avoid walking and running? I love to run and jump! I even have a cousin who flies. Be more like the rest of the rest of the animals and try actually walking or jogging to get food. You can even try wildcrafting, like me.”
11. For such social animals, we’re lonely a lot. We’re social animals by nature. We need other animals of our species to love us and we need to love others as well. It’s almost as important as food, water, and sleep for our survival. Yet, many of us travel alone to work, feel isolated at our jobs, travel alone home, and take part in solitary activities like watching television or spending time on the computer. Instead, we could spend this time talking, walking, singing, traveling, working, and playing with others.
Squirrel says: “Play and socializing are important. Have you ever seen us squirrels play? It’s a big ordeal. We’ll chase each other around the whole wood, tumbling head over tail over head and jumping from branch to branch. You’re a social animal, so socialize. Say hi to people, smile, be friendly and warm, and be happy knowing that the people you see around you are your kin and you’re one of theirs.”
10. We spend most of our time working for currency, not food. This currency verifies that we have contributed to our species? wellbeing and success. We trade the currency for food. By contrast, most animals bypass this complex social system and simply go and find food when they are hungry.
Squirrel says: “You mean to tell me that if I were a hungry human, I couldn’t just go forage food to eat? I’d have to build other humans burrows (or whatever you call them) or do some other labor first and then ask for food? Hm? it seems like a hard lifestyle. I usually find food and then have lots of time to play with my family. Well, when you’re through working and asking for food, I still highly recommend playing and spending time with family. That’s my favorite part of the day. You might also want to control your species’ population so it’s not so much work to support it.”
9. We make and hoard things we don’t need. With the currency left over from buying food, we purchase things. We do this so well that people are now often referred to as “consumers.” Many of the things we buy and keep have little or no utility, like electronic singing plastic Santa Clause figurines. One of the only other species that hoards shiny things it doesn’t really need is the magpie.
Squirrel says: “Why hoard anything you wouldn’t want to eat later? I don’t see the attraction to big collections of plastic toys or closets full of clothes unless you can put the clothes in a pile and make a nest out of them. I hoard nuts and it?s all I can do to remember where I put those when I want to eat them, so I don’t think I’d be very good at hoarding all the things humans do. My motto is, if it’s not edible, you probably don’t need it.”
8. We all seem afraid of the dark. There’s one thing most animals know for sure: when it’s day, there’s light; when it’s night, there’s dark. Now we humans are pretty easy prey. We have no claws, no sharp teeth, no spikes or spines, we aren’t very strong or fast, and most of us have more meat on our bones than we’d care to admit. Somewhere along the line, we figured out that we’re less likely to be eaten by nocturnal predators if we keep the nighttime light enough that we can always see around us. Flaming torches turned into electric torches, and even in our predator-free homes today, we still have the lights on just in case, you know. See an ant’s response here.
Squirrel says: “I understand. I mean, I’m a pretty easy target for predators myself. But do at least try to keep the lights down when I’m trying to sleep. If you want your lighting to come from sources that are friendlier on my habitat and yours, buy green energy.”
7. We keep animals in our homes who would normally eat us for lunch. OK, maybe wild dogs wouldn’t really eat us for lunch, but judging by our folklore and fairy tales, I’d say that the relationship between humans and wolves has not always been a favorable one. On the other hand, traditionally, members of the cat species have found us pretty tasty. We’ve managed to breed canines and felines until they depend on us for food, not as food. Other animals that some people keep around the house include boa constrictors, venomous snakes, spiders, rats, and eels.
Squirrel says: “Are you nuts!?! This is a touchy subject for me. Cats and dogs hunt my buddies and me. In some places, pet cats are even threatening endemic native species. If you have pets, make sure they are spayed or neutered. I don?t want a whole litter of whiskers and claws chasing my tail.”
6. Our young spend most of their time stationary. Most young people spend hours each day watching television and only a few minutes each day engaging in outdoor, unstructured play.
Squirrel says: “We squirrels are way too rambunctious to be still for any amount of time. It’s too much fun outside to stay in the burrow all day staring at the wall. I couldn’t even imagine it. Plus, life’s too short. Encourage your young to play outdoors and join them when you get a break from gathering nuts? or money, or whatever it is you do.”
5. We heat our food before eating it. Unless you’re a human, a domesticated animal, or an extremophile living on an undersea volcanic vent, chances are you eat your food raw. We humans will do anything to avoid eating unheated foods: we?ll bake, boil, saut, flamb, steam, and even cook our foods by submerging them in boiling lard and oil.
Squirrel says: “Why put food over fire before eating it? I don’t play with fire; it frightens me. Plus, the food’s more nutritious raw, so I don’t have to eat as many raw nuts to get my daily nutrition as I would if they were cooked. I recommend trying to be a little more like the rest of the rest of the animals by eating a little more of your food raw. Trust me, it’s tasty!”
4. We eat poisonous and toxic things for fun. In most of the animal kingdom, ‘recreational drugs’ would be an oxymoron. But not for us. We eat poisonous mushrooms, we drink toxic levels of fermented juice (hence the ‘toxic’ in ‘intoxication’), and we refine other natural toxins like coca leaf extract that we then proceed to stick up our noses. Some of our species who aren’t content with these milder poisons combine various ultra-toxic cleaning agents to make super potent concoctions that we call crack or meth, they then proceed to sniff, snort, lick, or inject into their bodies.
Squirrel says: “You eat toxins and poisons recreationally?? That’s nuts! Be more like the rest of the rest of the animals by eating what’s good for you and avoiding what’s not.”
3. We stick flaming pieces of paper and leaves in our mouths. We spend a lot of time and effort to grow tobacco because it contains a specific kind of toxin. We harvest and dry the leaves, cut them up in tiny pieces, then add anything from ammonia to tar (see this list of additives). We roll the result in paper, put it between our lips… and this is the kicker… we light the whole thing on fire while its in our mouths! Worse yet, we do all this just to breath in the carcinogenic smoke that comes from this little roll of leaves and additives.
Squirrel says: “HA! And you’re supposed to be the smart animals? Who does this kind of thing??! Be more like the rest of the rest of the animals by not sticking flaming, toxic pieces of paper and leaves in your mouths.”
2. We blow ourselves up. Like many species, we’re territorial. However, most animals just pee on trees or beat their chest to let others know where their group’s boundaries are. We launch explosive rockets at each other and plant landmines in the ground so that nobody can live there.
Squirrel says: “*Blank stare* What can I say about this? When I get in a fight, I tumble and roll around with another squirrel. It’s a good way to get the aggression out and the worst that happens is that somebody gets an ear bitten. Some animals kill each other one on one, but it doesn’t usually upset the whole ecosystem the way human wars and landmines do. Just try and get along a little better, would ya? Smile and be friendly with everyone and tell the people in charge to stop with all the explosions already.”
1. We gave up living in trees to live in caves. Somewhere along the line, our ancestors decided to give up the comfort of trees to live in caves. Today, we fabricate multi-story caves out of brick, stone, and wood and plant a tree in the backyard so we can see it from the second floor of our cave-like home.
Squirrel says: “This is the first thing I don’t understand about people. I love curling up in a small, cozy home. But at least some of you still have a fondness for trees. If you can’t live in a treehouse, at least plant a tree for me.”
To read more of Angela's thoughts on how to go raw successfully, happily and for the long-term, see her books HERE.